Reflection

Am sitting her all on my lonesome tonight, well almost, Max has retired to bed and Emma is in Liverpool. Saturday nights should not always be like this. I have just spent the last two years of my life with a wonderful lover and a Mother to my grown up kids; and have enjoyed and in my own way, cherished every second.
When relationships falter and close we take a step backwards in some ways. If I have lost such a special person in my life, then I will try and take the blow with as much dignity as I can. Katie remains a very special part of our lives, and never to see her again will be a loss to all of us, I cannot change, I can adapt and try; but whom ever judges me, for all my failings, I truly understand the concept of Love and commitment; which appears never to be enough these days, and if that makes me a dinosaur, then so be it. I may struggle at times to be the single parent, and I may fail at times also, but I love my kids, and all of their dies are well set by now, so I cannot change them or make up for the failings of the past. Next month, April 1st in fact, will be four years when my wife walked out on me and the Kids after years of indifference. Harry is in the army, Emma off to University and Max has yet to evolve as an adult. This is not failure, were not dysfunctional for gods sake. Reflection certainly, but ask me do I still seek the woman whom I can spend my twilight years with in my Eco cottage, do I want to fall deep into the intoxicating arms of Love?, off course I do!. But I suspect I will never find her. The Kitchen is quiet without her, where to go from here, I really don't know....