Self Analysis...

This is hard. There are times when people approach me and advise me on how to manage my kids. I understand their intentions, I respect them, and yet find it very hard to veer from my ways, so I typically end up analysing myself as to why.
To a certain degree me and my brother Leo were latch key kids. And this is what scares me about Max, because when my wife walked out on us all, for almost two years I had to work long hours in Bloxwich, and Max was very much returning home on his own of a evening and having to make his own supper. I wasn't there for him, and I will never forget that. Sort of history repeating itself, so when Max errs and does something stupid, like messing with his sisters Xbox, invading her privacy etc, I realise that it was the sort of thing I did!.
People say I should demonstrate 'Tough Love' and I will indeed punish him, but on my terms and advice from Katie, I cant just change overnight, for many years even before my Ex left us I was the only one there for the Kids, so I had to protect them, and not judge then to harshly, and now as they get older their judging me, minus the experince. Am I soft? perhaps, but there are reasons why I think. When my parents separated, mum left home more than once, it was a childhood interrupted with listening to their hostile arguments, the threats and the physical abuse between my mother and father being acted out in front of us like some traumatic play, usually at supper time, even to this day if somebody raises their voice at the supper table I cannot eat. These remain Dark and upsetting memories. I swore blind I would never hit a woman, and fight and argue like they did, as it simply seemed to get them nowhere, achieve nothing, and scared the hell out of me. Leo learned from it and became an abuser, and I went in the opposite direction, tried to appeal to peoples intellect to solve the problems.
Hence the fact that I find it harder than most to punish, I admit that. But equally so I will not take sides and judge my children negatively, or any children for that matter, because until they grow up and mature they will make loads of mistakes, as I did, and we have to be tolerant of these failings. Even Harry whom was an absolute Sod in his day, did ultimately not respond to my tough approach, we were physically fighting on the lawn! and where did that get us?, then one day he saw the light and matured up, joined the army and never looked back. Of course there was damage, Emma has hated him ever since and judges him accordingly, and would do the same of Max if she had the chance, but she does not allow for failure in her world, to her everything is black and white, no Grey (sounds familiar?!) and the fact that people, especially adolescent boys, do mature, eventually.
So now I have to adjust, I have Katie in my life, and I must trust and work with her, because my priorities have changed, I just need a little time and understanding as I find this very hard sometimes...