Dark dreams

I awoke early to some Dark dreams about Katie. It's one of those evil pernicious dreams that crawls out of the darkest recesses of your psyche. I know what the triggers were, that Email, seeing her profile image flashing before me on Hotmail, talking with Phil etc. I really do not deserve that God. I know I am trying to cope in my own stupid way, but I do not deserve that.. Simply because for the last two years I definitively fell in Love?. Do NOT deserve that!. It's not fair or right; a day which now will be enshrouded in melancholia, anger and dark moods.... Why?..... just simply WHY?. There you have it I confess it hurts!, happy?. My emotions are in turmoil, want to scream or cry, just do not know what to do.... perhaps I am on Chekhov's middle road?. Dammit!!!