The Lady is a Tramp

As I  had just come to grips with spending Valentines day  with 'Purdy', I was faced with another challenge. The noisy wailing Tabby had returned, and being very much the local village bike; Christabel found herself some new action. She lay there quite happily as this reprobate Tom mounted her outside my kitchen door with absolutely no shame at all. I can hear her saying "its alright, my master is a very liberal sort of chap, so you can shag me right under his nose!... I am a bit of a slut really." and all of this in a heavy wind pouring with rain, very romantic I hear you say. No sooner had I wielded the garden hose at both of them, I returned to my warm kitchen to dry out.
      Out of Vinegar, whats that all about, no sooner had I topped up the bottle then its empty again, Max is the only one using it as I hardly touch chips these days. Then of course there's always those secret Cat vinegar drinking parties you hear about. No sooner as your out of the door they reach for the wine glasses and indulge in there afternoon tipple," Mmmm that's an interesting little Vinegar I hear them say. I know what we can do next, to hell with the litter tray, lets go upstairs and have a good shit in the Masters bathroom again!".