Dreaming of the Past.

As I essentially worked through Christmas, and missed it all; in some ways not a bad thing ironically. I am now on annual leave. So you adjust a little, catch up with house chores, spend time with the cat and let you brain drift into flights of fancy. Slightly overslept this morning and my head was full of strange dreams, fixating on the past and more formative years training as a Nurse in Birmingham, my classmates larking around. This was a sad dream because all my friends have moved on and our Hospital which was a mecca for its sense of family, no longer exists.Some of us whom were lucky enough to work in big institutions such as a Victorian Hospital, are privileged to have experienced it, as there all gone now, and there are some 'clever' people whom claim it was just another form of institutionalisation, and if it was, then I strongly suspect there are many of us whom miss it all.

                             

A Cat lover I.

Well it had to be really. I turn fifty four this coming week and it does not mean I am dead!. This was my opening line to Jeanette as I introduced her to the new member of the family. We had always had a cat in the house, and since my last one had moved next door, I missed cat company. You can be 54 or  104 and still enjoy  cats surly?. It also just so happened that one of my cousin's in Rugby was giving one away so it all fell together really, its very young, and White and Ginger!!. It appears to be a male and my first thoughts for his name is Oliver Cromwell!, and he's eating me out of house and home as I type!! ( I pause to feed the cat) I enjoyed immensely celebrating Jeanette's birthday this week or so, she's not sure about the cats name so in an attempt to wind me up calls it Charles!, and we look forwards to going to ComiCon next month.. I also catch up with Emma next week,  a duplicitous affair involving Jeanette and Emma via Facebook. Its been a while since I visited London.
                                                                                   I have been told by my son Harry to watch out carefully what I write on the web, as he's now all things military, so no references to a rendezvous with a Russian sub off the Scottish coastline, or the fact fact that hes the illegitimate  son of Flash Gordon?. But what I can reveal, is that the processed cheese in his Pizzas is diabolical!...

"My Sons a Commando dont you know!"

What a busy month or so I guess, from Cardiff to 'Avebury', then catching an open air performance of 'Legally Blond' in Leicester and my imminent visit to 'Lympstone' to watch Harry pass out as  Royal Marine Commando no less. As Max said, "did we ever have any doubt?" and I agree, I was just concerned he might break a leg or something and delay his entry into the Navy. One recruit died during his training, and quite a few did not make it in Troop 199. All of these thoughts and a lot more will pass through our minds as we make our way to Exeter next Thursday evening.




             

Something in the Air...

What I mean is, 'is there something in the Air?'. Its more like a vibration, a feeling, a fifth sense of something. I cant quite put my finger on it. Remember when we were young and we had some amazing and sometimes scary vivid dreams. Our imaginations were so fertile. As I get older especially these last weeks this vivid imagery has returned to my dreams. When we were kids and watching the 'Wizard of Oz' the writers hit on something, about Dorothy tapping here shoes and chanting "there's no place like home", what they were teaching us in a simple way, is that intellect will ultimately win over imagination. So as with nightmares when we wake up screaming with the night terrors, our thought process that follows. uses our intellect (and unfortunately, usually a crisp sandwich) to calm us down.
                                                                                I don't know what it is, these last few days in particular have been enveloped in some form of psychic unease. I know the first thing you will say is its all to do with perception, the world insecurity being broadcast through our media, terrorists death etc. Now there may indeed be something in that. But something has sparked of one of my psychic receptors, and I feel a sense of unease and symbolically reach for the security of my sword, and a desire to protect the ones I love. Could it be the final transition of Summer into Autumn?, possibly another factor, a Pagan thing. I really did get a buzz out of 'Avebury' with Jeanette last month, once again over a good few moments in my life the Stones drew me back.It started with a spontaneous and powerful nightmare at Jeanette's cottage on Saturday in the early hours, she felt my unease and I woke up shouting out and sobbing. Then this morning I dreamt of Max and him being vulnerable in some twilight metropolitan crossroad.
                                                                  Look, I am not for a moment saying we should not be logical and analytical of our dream processes, what I am saying is that a vividness, a lost sense of feeling something deep in my Psyche has reared its head, and I cant quite shake it off, in point of fact, do I need to shake it off?....
              

Cardiff 2015 and a little bit of Galifrey

We arrived at a time of Graduation in Cardiff, so it was full of students in gowns with there doting parents in tow, and a sense of hope for the future. My son Harry spent a couple of years here and certainly praised the city and I can see why. It has achieved what many other City's have not, particularly Coventry. The city architects have actually not forgotten there valued past and they have managed in my opinion to blend the old with the new, and its worthy of praise. Its not just the light itself, which brightens Cardiff's vistas, they can blend in angular bold architectural statements next to red brick Victorian buildings, and not just that,they chose interesting colours in the newer constructs that work well in the environment. We sat in 'The Duke of Wellington Pub' and you can look out of there window to a crossroads of buildings and be impressed. The following day we visited Cardiff's wonderful Castle, of which this is a superb example of motte and bailey, with a Keep, elements of Roman fortifications and a Gothic Pile all in one, excellent value for money and highly recommended. You will not be disappointed.
                                              It was more of a challenge to find a good 'cosy' restaurant for two however. Some of the places were more family orientated, and with MSG type buffets, others were physically constricted by its building like 'Bella Italia', which had no choice but to serve as a runway as it was one long rectangular construct. Eventually we found 'Pierre Le Bistro' a little more pricey yes, but worth it. The food was indeed typically French, and the styling was built to show exactly that, and frankly I enjoyed it. I was a more adult environment and clearly popular, Jeanette taught me about certain aspects of french cuisine, and I could taste the flavours in the starters and main  course ( we both opted for Fish ) and the lemon tart just jumped out at me!. I will put a review in 'Porky and Bess' on Facebook.
                                                         Over the following day we visited the Bay on a number Six bus as Jeanette can not read a Map for her life! ( an interesting GWR frontage to the train station by the way ) and indulged myself in the Dr Who exhibition,  you may know by now that my views on 'Capaldis' first season have been very critical, interestingly enough Jeanette pointed out that the promo film that he did at he exhibition is exactly as he should play it!, and she was right!!, it was pleasantly minus the irritating Clara. It is a wonderful treat for fans, I had a Canadian father with excited family in tow correcting my error in 'Dalek' chronology while we waited to enter. A lot of props are indeed repro, but some are genuine, I believe Bessie was, along with the large imposing Baker Robot and some of the sonic screwdrivers. It is perfectly designed for the very young students of Galifrey and we highly recommend it you all.

                 

                                                                    

What Dreams are made of...

What Dreams I had in the early hours of this morning!. The first involved me running around some delightful 17th Century village, very 'Hammeresque' chasing Vampires!, and yet by no means a scary dream as I had a big sword ( in Ferro Veritas) and felt quite confident in my mission statement as I ran around chopping off the heads of various blood suckers. The second dream involved me assisting the local constabulary in a '78' Mk 3 Cortina as they drove around 'Bell Green' fending off various attacks from the locals, but the twist here was they then dropped me off at work; some out of the way place, and I say to the two coppers,"I don't know what year this is?, so when I get out of the car you tell me". Intially one of the coppers jokes its 1959, and I know that's daft because of the '78' 'Cortina' of which there polishing the seats with there arses. They inform me its 2013, and the realisation hits me that I have just lost two years of my life!.
                                             My last dream of the night or early hours of this morning involved me being held prisoner in some Attic in some European country, a mixture of France and Germany, anyway I focus on escape, looking down dumb waiters that sort of thing, and as I near my eventual exit, I find a brand new White racing bike!, still in its packaging. So my escape is secured as I cycle my way around this provincial and quaint town, with a mixture of Italian and  Mediterranean architecture. I ask this local kid where do I find the 'Politzei' ( its a strange language) and he points in the direction. So as I enter the Station I present my bicycle to this rough looking guy on the street, whom has this attractive girlfriend with him, he sort of smiles thinly, and I enter the station. Any way it all gets a bit clever as I explain my circumstances to Plod. It transpires I was aware that the head of this Criminal gang was in fact watching the local police station, and I knowingly gave him the bike!, as apparently, I knew the handle bars were packed with Diamonds!, which I had naturally discovered and removed, and present them to the police in a Ketchup bottle. All pretty weird stuff along with at one point being chased by a gang member who was in fact the lead guitarist from 'Slade'.
                                          So in conclusion a mixture of my Mortality, Morality and views on Authority, what the hell did I eat last night?!. I then rang work and informed them that I would not be in for training today as I had a poor sleep last night.

               

Me on a Bicycle!..

It really has been years since I rode a bike, and due to my changing body shape I decided that diet itself would not be enough. The first venture was from Bulkington to the Blue Pig, and it nearly killed me!. Its a real cardio vascular work out going uphill, and the first journey does indeed involved wobbly legs as you get of the bike., and yet the return journey not so bad?!. Then last saturday my regimen increased from Wolvey to The Pig in Muck in Claybrooke Magna, again breathing at a remarkable rate, I managed to master the gears and my sore backside!, my brain way saying to me 'Alan, just keep breathing right now!, your sore bottom is irrelevant!', and so it was. Again the return was easier, but there was some profanities on the last hill, they were aimed at myself for losing shape, not the dead Crow or the grass verges, or the couple going at in the lay by, you have to be determined to do this. All through my journey I had nothing but encouragement from my friends and partner, I was so breathless I couldn't answer back!, saliva dribbling down my chin like some imbecile!. The following day I walked into town and came back with some large shopping bags, all of a sudden I started breathing heavily!, and I realised my body was going into cycling mode!!...

Reasons to be cheerful. Part 3.

The Monkeys gone, but the Circus is still in Town.

My morning starts with me stealing other peoples quotes and observations on life. Perhaps I am indeed entering the third phase of my life, the kids really are grown up and OK, time perhaps to throw away childish things and become more introspective.
                                                         Thirty five years doing the same damn job!, yet seemingly unable to change career, this is going to drive me nuts any time soon, unless I change my direction. There are times I feel that I really do need to 'wake up and smell the coffee' ( a rather cliched quote)  row the Canals of England, save the Voles, I don't know what yet. Surely there's more to life than just existing, paying the bills as some form of accomplishment?. There is indeed a stigma about Depression, an unwillingness to share because it makes us look weak, we need to move on from that macho nonsense .

               

Just as I thought everything was going just fine...

Four months now into my workplace in Birmingham, and my first real shit day!. I suppose that not bad going, and it really wasn't that bad, I didn't murder anybody. Its just that the ignorant way in which it was handled by my incompetent bosses really pissed me off; so by the end of my tiring twelve hour day, apart from feeling pretty damn unappreciated I realised I was Depressed again.
                                                                                   Who am I kidding. it just a year since my Mum passed and only December since my negative work experience.I have always believed them to be interconnected and definitely an auger of  Depression. It just sneaks up on you as you get older, on its own it would be fine if I had the personal time to analyse myself, but us mere mortals do not have such opportunities as we HAVE to work to survive, and always try and show a strong  face to the kids, the latter perhaps being the most important. We do not have the luxury of selfishness. So, 'dear Psyche', I got the message thank you very much....